i am rain god

why do i care for others when others fuck care me
im always on the one way outgoin lane when others are on the fuckin two way lanes, without me

the thing about working in a gym is
1. you have to be friendly even if you are deadbeat or off the weather
2. you cannot look/be fat even if your weight hovers around 50kg eg: how good can she be if she’s fat
3. if you don’t wear sleeveless, you are probably fat
4. you can’t over push the customers even if they are here for a workout but you can’t underwork them as well, make it value for money with the balance
5. know your place even when you are fighting coz you are working too
6. hitting hard means angry/not happy
7. not hitting hard also angry/not happy
8. she’s a fat girl she knows nuts
9. she just sits at the counter probably no stamina no strength and fat so I can just anyhow hold
10. customers are number one even if they are jerkasses and you don’t like them

I don’t want to see anyone. I lie in the bedroom with the curtains drawn and nothingness washing over me like a sluggish wave. Whatever is happening to me is my own fault. I have done something wrong, something so huge I can’t even see it, something that’s drowning me. I am inadequate and stupid, without worth. I might as well be dead.

—Margaret Atwood, Cat’s Eye (via quotes-shape-us)

for fallin for the wrong person.
again.
hopeless.

(via thinkture)